Is “Go home and make peace with your parents” the same as “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”?

Friends introduced me to a healing insight illuminating the second half of this post’s title.

The insight, about parents, is – ‘s/he did the best s/he could, given the hand that life dealt them’. Only then did I start to feel love for my parents. The love didn’t fully flower until they had moved on to the next world – and I never sufficiently developed the care I wish I could have given them. No matter now I can.

The first part of the title of today’s post is from a wonderfully interesting video by Mark Wolynn – about how many of us inherit family trauma;

NOTES FROM The Science & Nonduality site HERE;

Unconsciously, we relive our mother’s anxiety. We repeat our father’s disappointments. We replicate the failed relationships of our parents and grandparents. Just as we inherit our eye color and blood type, we also inherit the residue from traumatic events that have taken place in our family. Illness, depression, anxiety, unhappy relationships and financial challenges can all be forms of this unconscious inheritance. Sharing insights and case studies from his new book It Didn’t Start With You, How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (Viking, 2016), Wolynn will discuss the latest advances in epigenet- ics—how traumatic experiences can be inherited from our parents and grandparents—as well as the newest research in neuroscience that supports healing, how to break the patterns we’ve unknowingly adopted that keep the cycle of suffering alive from generation to generation. Wolynn will also present his Core Language Approach, a method for identifying inherited family trauma and decoding our own personal language of trauma.

Mark Wolynn, director of The Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco, is a leading expert in the field of inherited family trauma. A sought-after lecturer, he has taught at the University of Pittsburgh, the Western Psychiatric Institute, Kripalu, The Omega Institute, The New York Open Center, and The California Institute of Integral Studies. His forthcoming book IT DIDN’T START WITH YOU: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle will be published by Viking/Penguin in April 2016.

“When I drink tea it’s very pleasant to…

“When I drink tea it’s very pleasant to be aware
I am drinking cloud.” What happens when you die?
by Thich Nhat Hanh

…….You may think you are still alive but in fact you have been dying everyday, every minute, cells die and are born – for neither do we have funerals or birthdays (laughter).

Death is a very necessary condition of birth. With no death, there is no birth. They inter-are and happen in every moment to the experienced meditator. For instance a cloud may have died many times, into rain, streams, water. The cloud may want to wave to itself on earth! Rain is a continuation of the cloud. With a meditation practitioner nothing can hide itself. When I drink tea, it’s very pleasant to be aware I am drinking cloud.

When you are parents, you die and are reborn as your children. “You are my continuation, I love you.” The Buddha told us how to ensure a beautiful continuation – a compassionate thought, a beautiful thought. Forgiveness is our continuation. If anger, separation and hate arise, then we will not ensure a beautiful continuation. When we pronounce a word that is compassionate, good and beautiful that is our continuation.

When a cloud is polluted, the rain is polluted. So purifying thoughts, word and action creates a beautiful continuation. We can see the effects of our speech in our children. My disciples are my continuation ­– both monastic and lay. I want to transmit loving speech, action and thought. This is called karma in Buddhism.

This body of mine will disintegrate but my karma will continue – karma means action. My karma is already in the world. My continuation is everywhere in the world. When you look at one of my disciples walking with compassion, I know he is my continuation. I don’t want to transmit my negative emotions, I want to transform them before I transmit them. The dissolution of this body is not my end. Surely I will continue after the dissolution of this body. So don’t worry about my death, I am not going to die.

Let us meditate on the birth of a cloud. Does it have a birth certificate? (laughter) Examine the notion of birth – the notion that nothing can come from something, from no-one to someone. Is it possible for something to come from nothing? Scientifically this is not possible………………

from a talk by Thich Nhat Hanh

http://www.plumvillage.org/transcibe/7-what-happens-when-you-die.html

If you look deeply into the palm…

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”… Thich Nhat Hanh

“Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. In this light, no boundary exists between the sacred and the profane.”…Thich Nhat Hahn

“We must not be attached to a view or a doctrine, even a Buddhist one. .. . The Buddha said that if in a certain moment or place you adopt something as the absolute truth, and you attach to that, then you will no longer have any chance to reach the truth. Even when the truth comes and knocks on your door, and asks you to open the door, you won’t recognize it. So you must not be too attached to dogma–to what you believe, and to what you perceive.”
[in an interview with Diane Wolkstein featured in Parabola Vol 30 No 4]…Thich Nhat Hahn

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.” [Shambhala Sun March 2006 ]…Thich Nhat Hahn